Emotions are high, and I just don't know what to do with myself!
I'm a wreck haha, and it is funny and ridiculous, and overwhelming all at the same time.
It makes me think of this popular "First World Problem" meme...
Except... It usually has some cleverly funny phrase such as, "I have heartburn...because I got too much to eat today..." I mean, I know i'm all emotional and hormonal, but it's still mysteriously comical to me afterwards... Pregnancy...am I right?
Let's talk about the fish first. I purchased Fancy Fantail Goldfish back in January. They have become pretty special to me. They've grown quite a bit since I've gotten them until recently.
For the last few weeks, I can't remember whether I feed them or not. Then I fear overfeeding them, or underfeeding them! It's driving me crazy.
My solution? Keep the fish food next to my vitamins, because I have to take those every morning and night too. Perfect...or so I thought. In the mix of it all, by the time I think I've accomplish feeding the fish, I can't remember whether or not I took the vitamin or fed the fish. I just stand there in a daze, eventually having to walk away and let it bother me for the rest of the day.
To add to this madness, here are a few other things that have happened to me over the last couple weeks that have also mad me feel like I am genuinely losing my mind:
- I walked into an elevator, and couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do next...
- I locked myself out of the car...
- I put my favorite sherbet snack in the fridge instead of the freezer, and it's taken me days to realize it...
- I walked to my car, keys in hand, and tried opening the locked door and convinced myself that I was locked out AGAIN...
- I am having trouble translating from one language to another out loud...
I swear the list goes on...
In discussion, someone told me, maybe the baby is getting all those lost brain cells. I really hope so, because at the rate I feel like I'm losing them it feels like a terrible waste! :)
Now on to emotional matters.
My mom has to remind me that it's going to be okay and I AM PREGNANT. All woman get this way, apparently. But I worry enough as it is, as a non-life-creating-female, and already got all emotional about certain things before before I got pregnant. So now some of the things I have to talk about, things that have been passionate to me because of the potential of one day having my own children in addition to the children I already have (my sibling's children), mean even more to me and there is nothing I can do in my power to not want to fight for and become the change I want to see for them. I know, it's heavy. Babies change everything. I am no longer thinking, or working towards the future, my future is here and now...
HEAVY.
So, not only do I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes but I also have emotional things I have to deal with everyday. On top of that, I'm trying to finish this semester off successfully but I feel like my work and school are both suffering :| Sometimes, they like to gang up on me together and that is when I have to step back and take a laugh!
Yesterday, thankfully, I had a breakthrough though. It was like my second wind. I was just giving up and accepting the fact that I just may become a dazed and confused space cadet, and then yesterday. Though I was tired, my brain actually functioned. I couldn't believe it myself. I was able to communicate in both Lingít and English (Which has been beyond difficult over the last weeks). I got a lot of work done. It felt amazing. Today...I'm still feeling good. I was able to write this blog for starters...or finish it is more like it.
I enjoyed a scrumptious waffle, finished an assignment and am moving nicely on to the next.
Praise Raven.
I have faith that I am regaining myself again, and it will at least last the rest of the semester!
I just have to remain optimistic, which gets easier for me all the time (And I'm grateful for that.)
I have great cohoes in my life too: My mom calms me down when I freak out. My sister Edna always has an open ear. Pamela always guarantees a laugh. Just seeing Ricky has been enough lately, though I don't show it easily, it lightens my heart. And dear Shaadutláa brought me HERRINGS EGGS yesterday. My cohoes watch out for me :)
So, now that I got all of that off my chest, I have to apologize if I haven't been able to handle too much in recently. And I have to apologize in advance if I do in the future. Take it easy one me :) I appreciate it. Gunalchéesh!
No comments:
Post a Comment